Wednesday, 02 July 2008

  • Been a while

    Xanga is asking if I want to keep my account, and I do, I like to read all my friend's post. I have a new blog though at internroad So Check It Out.

    For those of you who don't know, I will be in Serbia starting in September for the next year, and I will be keeping in touch mainly through that blog. So check it every once in a while for an update. In the meantime I am raising my support for the next year (housing, food, and ministry expenses) and going between New York and Ohio at this point. If you want to help out in any way or be put on my prayer letter, send me an email and let me know (deborah.crane@gmail.com)

    Love you all!

Sunday, 06 April 2008

  • Quick Update

    So Xanga sent me an email saying that I don't post enough and they miss me... so here's my quick update:

    Justin is here for the weekend, and I got to see him, and it made me really happy.

    I am going to be working in Serbia as a STINTer (Short Term INTernational) for a year  with Campus Crusade for Christ. (again, check out internroad.blogspot.com for more info) and I'm crazy excited! ask me about it, pray for me, anything. yeah. excited.

    In my last quarter at RIT, graduating in roughly 6 weeks.

    I am enjoying being single, finally getting to a place where I can appreciate it again.

    God is so so so good, there is no explaining the depths of God.

    I love you.

Sunday, 30 December 2007

  • Nice to Meet You.

    Do you ever notice how many people are in this world? There are a lot of them. Now, think about how many of them you know, it is such a small small percentage.  There are so many people in this world, and look how hard it is for us to get to know any of them! Start with the ones you already know, how well do you actually know them? And how much do you know about the ones you haven't met? How much do you pretend to know about them? How much do you pretend to know about the ones you already know?

    Sometimes we need to go out and meet new people. We have so many old people, but there are so many new ones just waiting to be met. Why is it so hard for us to meet the new people, get to know the old ones better, and leave some behind?

    People keep telling me that life changes, people change, and we can't stop that. Maybe people do change, but maybe I can change too. Maybe actually getting to know my old people would be a good first step, and maybe meeting new people would be good. But why, out of all the people in the world, is it so hard to meet 1 decent new one, one that can someday be an old person that you can get to know better.  What if we got to know the old people well enough that we wouldn't have to try and keep meeting them over and over, what if we were just there for it all? But if that doesn't work, if we can't stick around forever, we need to meet new ones.  New people are inevitable, we just have to be willing to meet them and not be so afraid of them being too scary, or us being too scared. We are so scared all the time, I am so scared all the time.  I want to meet you old people again, catch me up on things. And I want to meet new people, go on adventures, experience all I can, and hope that it works out.  I hope it's for the better. And I hope that people decide to re-meet their old people and find new people, and I hope I fall into both of those categories at some point.

    I'm not the same as I was when you met me, and you aren't the same as when I met you. Maybe I don't know who I am or where I'm going, but I want to find out, and I want you to help me. I'm strange, not normal, not what people expect, and I'm honestly afraid that when people meet me or re-meet me that they'll run away. I'm tired of being what people want me to be, and I'm tired of hiding because I want to be conventional and normal. I say awkward things. A lot. I don't know how to act in crowds and I don't know how to have a normal conversation. But I will laugh at nothing, dance awkwardly, blast music at the elderly folk in the car next to me, change a tire, fix broken things, and beg you to tell me a secret that no one knows. I've learned enough over the years to know that I screw up, a lot, and I might let you down, but I won't make promises that I won't keep, and I expect you to do the same. I will help you when I can, and sometimes when I can't. I will put sleep before homework and fun before sleep. I will hide in a corner until someone drags me out of it, I will wait for an invitation to hang out until the day I die, I will not assume that I'm invited anywhere, ever, and I will forget where I am for a minute if I can truly have fun.

    So there. Nice to meet you again.  Lets get to know each other one more time.

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

  • Sorry

    Hey, just wanted to apologize to everyone for how I've been acting lately. Not sure who all reads this anymore, but yeah. Life has been hectic, head's been spinning, everything that I thought was clear and lined up and sure just crashed around me.  Still adjusting and trying to get back into the swing of things, but yeah, sorry for making some of you worry, it was wrong of me.

    Also, I miss my girlies. Can we hang out sometime? Give me a call.

    And I need to take more pictures. I fail at being a photo school drop out.

Friday, 30 November 2007

Saturday, 24 November 2007

  • quick update

    kinda sick right now (still after a few weeks)
    in Cleveland (only for another day or 2)
    fighting telling my dad that i want to intern next year (maybe i'll tell him after I'm accepted?)
    kinda scared that my not being around so much lately has cost me some friendships
    kinda agitated that not hanging out a few times can get a person black listed for quite some time
    confused why all this is still a problem when we've dealt with this before
    hoping that I won't be the only one in Rochester this week (I know Dan will be there, so that's a plus already)
    living in an attic is cold. heaters are good.
    i need to figure out where i'm going to live next year and with whom
    missing Jess as my wonderful roommate
    excited to live with Ashley and see how that goes ( i love Ashley!)
    the end.

Sunday, 28 October 2007

  • Check this out!

    Please check out this site:
    http://internroad.blogspot.com/

    Basically it is my new site for chronicling my steps towards next year (post-graduation) and seeing what God is going to use me for.  I will continue to update when there is news, and update with my support raising once I get started, and keep updating my prayer requests, if nothing else. So check it out and bookmark it! Feel free to leave comments on it as well.

Monday, 22 October 2007

  • When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
    What a glory He sheds on our way!
    While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
    And with all who will trust and obey.

    Refrain

    Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
    To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

    Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
    But His smile quickly drives it away;
    Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
    Can abide while we trust and obey.

    Refrain

    Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
    But our toil He doth richly repay;
    Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
    But is blessed if we trust and obey.

    Refrain

    But we never can prove the delights of His love
    Until all on the altar we lay;
    For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
    Are for them who will trust and obey.

    Refrain

    Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
    Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.
    What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
    Never fear, only trust and obey.

    Refrain

Wednesday, 17 October 2007

Saturday, 06 October 2007

  • Long, but worth the read.

    DON'T LEAVE IT ON THE DESK

    There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious
    man who taught at a small college in the western United States. Dr.
    Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this
    particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his
    freshman year, regardless of his or her major.

    Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel
    in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as
    nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students
    refused to take Christianity seriously.

    This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only
    a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the
    ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing
    physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football
    team, and was the best student in the professor's class.

    One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk
    with him.

    "How many push-ups can you do?"

    Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."

    "200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you
    could do 300?"

    Steve replied, "I don't know.... I've never done 300 at a time."

    "Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson.

    "Well, I can try," said Steve.

    "Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you
    to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I
    need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor.

    Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it."

    Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain
    what I have in mind."

    Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room.
    When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No, these
    weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with
    cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday,
    the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the
    weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class.

    Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia,
    do you want to have one of these donuts?"

    Cynthia said, "Yes."

    Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten
    push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?"

    "Sure!" Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again
    sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

    Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you
    want a donut?"

    Joe said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so
    Joe can have a donut?"

    Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first
    aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their donut.

    Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on
    the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular
    and never lacking for female companionship.

    When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?"

    Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own push-ups?"

    Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them."

    Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."

    Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would
    you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?"

    With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten push-ups.

    Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!"

    Dr. Christianson said, "Look!, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and
    these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he
    put a donut on Scott's desk.

    Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on
    the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and
    down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his
    brow.

    Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning
    to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a
    donut?"

    Sternly, Jenny said, "No."

    Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so
    Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?"

    Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut.

    By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were
    beginning to say, "No!" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.

    Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these
    push-ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the
    floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because
    of the physical effort involved.

    Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the
    class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten
    push-ups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for
    all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert
    could count the set and watch Steve closely.

    Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some
    students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along
    the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor
    realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students
    in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

    Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near
    the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a
    lot more time to complete each set.

    Steve asked Dr. Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?"

    Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your push-ups. You are
    in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And Dr. Christianson
    went on.

    A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and
    was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO! Don't
    come in! Stay out!"

    Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No,
    let him come."

    Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will
    have to do ten push-ups for him?"

    Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut."

    Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way
    right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"

    Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said, "give
    me a donut."

    "Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?"

    Steve did ten push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered,
    was handed a donut and sat down.

    Dr Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors
    seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a
    struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was
    profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy
    breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room.

    The very last two students in the room were two young women, both
    cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to
    last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?"

    Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."

    Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so
    that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?"

    Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.

    Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a
    donut?"

    Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr. Christianson, why
    can't I help him?"

    Dr Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone;
    I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an
    opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a
    party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book.
    Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed
    a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in
    football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve
    that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing
    your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes."

    "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?"

    As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that
    he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups,
    his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

    Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, "And so it was, that our
    Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, 'Into thy hands I
    commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had done everything that
    was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like some of those in this
    room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten."

    Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically
    exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.

    "Well done, good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding, "Not all
    sermons are preached in words."

    Turning to his class, the professor said, "My wish is that you might
    understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have
    been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
    He spared not only His Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the
    whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to
    us, the price has been paid."

    "Wouldn't you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?"

Monday, 10 September 2007

  • Feeling very inadequate right now, I let down my side of the bargain, and I never should have.  Please just pray for me right now. Things are going so crazy, between school, work, present life, planning for next year, and everything... I need to just rely on God more than ever. I need to give up my need for control, give up what I hold dear in order to make way for God's will in my life. So this is my giving up in order for Christ to take over.

Wednesday, 05 September 2007

  • I can't describe what's going through my head except for confusion and pain right now. All I know is that this sucks. I feel like I've lost so much, and I can't deal with it right now. Patience. Patience. Patience. I know, I know. It's just so hard. How does one change how they look at someone whom they have looked at one way for so long?

Pulse